By 30-something you should be married. Well into your marriage in fact, with most if not all of your kids already born, and paying a mortgage, not rent.
By 30-something you should have finished your education, and well into a steady job that supports your family. Loving that job isn’t nearly as important as having it because the retirement struggle is real and day care is like tuition. So hopefully you’ve gotten all that frivolous shopping and spontaneous traveling out of your system, because responsible adults don’t behave like that.
But your rewards will come when your kids grow up as successful members of society, you and your husband start traveling again, and you can move to a nice vacation home in Florida.
This was my portrait of 30-something for a very long time. And it is a very realistic portrait for much of American society, putting pressure on both women and men to force their lives into this perfect little frame to hang on their wall next to Black Jesus and Obama.
Yet sometimes, life doesn’t seem to fit into that traditional frame, and suddenly it seems like something is wrong with you. Relatives ask you if you’re okay, when you’re gonna finish school, when you’re gonna find a real job, when you’re gonna settle down, when you’re gonna have your first child, or your second child, or buy a house, or stop shacking up. Society will act like you’ve got 99 problems plus Solange just because your frame is a triangle. Or a hexagon. Or one of those crazy shapes you learned in Geometry but couldn’t name for a million dollars today.
I expected everyone in my life, including myself, to pick out that pretty frame from Target with the smiling family of 4 somewhere in our mid-late 20s, and have it hanging in our suburban homes by 30-something. But as I crossed that scary age of 30 and saw all the unfamiliar frames, shit got real. The early divorces. The infertility struggles and silent pain. The career frustrations. The unfulfilled dreams. Suddenly the chick on her 7th degree, traveling on student loan money with no 401k seemed just as happy as the soccer mom with 2.5 kids and a picket fence.
There is no magic age for your life to be “complete.” No magic number for the day your children, your passion, your big break, your dream job, or your partner will magically appear. Everybody’s number is different, but at the end of the day most people eventually have their number called.
My charge to you is while you’re standing in line, enjoy yourself. Listen to some music. Bust a quick Nae Nae when nobody is looking. Ask the person behind you to hold your spot so you can go hug a friend way further back in line real quick. On your way back to your spot, do a cutie run and scan the line for Tim Howard and that awesome beard and those dope tattoos and chile, if you find him just stay in line next to him cause honey…
Tim Howard, MVP U.S. Soccer Team. For more athletic loveliness click the image to view this year’s ESPN body issue
Wait, where was I again?
Oh, yes. Enjoy your own story, and don’t allow society to define what your 30-something looks like. Whether you’re in that line still waiting for your dreams to manifest, or have your oddly shaped frame already hanging next to Black Jesus, understand that the exception is actually more common than the rule. Even the smiling soccer Mom in that frame at Target is still in line waiting for something else. If you’re waiting to finally finish school, give praise for not having to go to work every day! If you’re waiting for that second child, give the first one some extra attention because those precious moments will be less frequent once #2 arrives. If you’re waiting for a spouse, TRAVEL! Book a flight on a whim and blow your paycheck on fine wine, international cuisine and new shoes. Do it now before you have a husband or wife that will throw semi-harmless objects at you once they see that credit card bill.
Have fun in line! Even at Six Flags in August when it’s 439 degrees and the roller coaster line is 13 hours, it goes so much faster when you’re enjoying the people around you (whether you know them or not). Wherever you are, enjoy it, keep your eyes open to the world around you. Before you know it your number will be called, your wait will be over and you’ll see how fast time flies when you have a smile on your face.
So how have the 30s been treating you? Are you struggling with feeling “complete” or are you loving the journey? For a quick pick me up while you wait, check out 27 underrated things about being in your 30s!
18 Comments
I am 30 years old, and enjoyed this read. Well said! Wishing you continuous bliss. 🙂
Thanks so much! And 30 was an AWESOME year! Look forward to the best years of your life!
Love it. Approaching 43 and still waiting in line for a few things… especially that opportunity for an extended stay abroad.
Do it! And 43 is the new 30! At least for you my dear, who continues to defy the laws of gravity and age 🙂 Thanks Nichole!
Great article! Many of my friends and I can definitely relate to the subject. Learning to be thankful for my path and stand in my truth daily.
“thankful for my path and standing in my truth” is worthy of an instagram quote! Thanks Gerald!
Preach! I’m loving life in my Heptagon frame and smiling all up and down the line! Thanks Bk Travel Addict for this fun and very relevant piece.
’99 problems plus Solange’!!! Hilarious!
Kinda excited I knew what a heptagon was 🙂 Thanks Marci!
The struggle is real. I lived overseas for 2 years, traveled the world and now back in the United States. I made the decision to go back to school to get my Masters to change my career to do what I feel God created me to do. As I am in transition mode working p/t and going to school (while taking Spanish and swimming lessons) I do feel at times that I am not where I should be at my age. I think about a mate, a house, sometimes having children (not sure if I reallllly want them), but at the same time, I know how blessed I am to not have to feel pressure to support a child or even split my time for a man, as I don’t have a whole lot of extra time or nerves to deal with a relationship now. Where I am is where I need to be, and I know that, but sometimes those “traditional blips” get to me.
I too had the perfect idea of what life would be like by the time I was 35. As April 4th drew closer I had to accept that it wasn’t gonna happen. I thought after breaking my neck to complete not one but two graduate degrees, and breaking my neck and depriving myself of food to get to home ownership that life would somehow miraculously feel ten times more complete but nah. At 35, i have the love of my family and friends, I have a wonderful daughter, a fulfilling teaching career that I would give up the timelines and just chill but it’s hard. Having all that ,and I’m grateful but it just means that I focus now on the one thing I don’t have………. I’m smart enough to know better but breaking that old school frame of mins has been hard. I travel and enjoy my life but there are times when I truly feel like where is my man. I thought it was just me but at the Essence Music Festival earlier this month all the sisters I met had been going through similar emotions. The struggle is real indeed.
The struggle is real but life is long! Enjoy it and give your daughter a hug for me!
I definitely needed this this morning… Perfect timing.
So glad you enjoyed it!
Just fell in love with you and this piece! I just had this discussion yesterday and as 30 approaches and I’m “still trying to finish school” I was feeling bad…in fact a “girlfriend” pulled up in BMW and proceeded to tell me with her “nice/nasty” approach how I should stop pursuing medicine and get it together already! This…this right here couldn’t have come at a better time…and you my darlin are now “a friend in my head”….SUBSCRIBED!!! SOLD!!! LOVE IT!
Luv your dtyle of writing! Great sense of humor; you made me laugh!
Wow, what a great piece of writing. I’m not yet 30, but almost there (28), and I too have been feeling some kind of way about it. It’s funny the type of pressure we put on ourselves to fit into societies standards. As I’ve gotten older more and more people have begun to have families and all that jazz, while I have no desire to stop traveling the world. I used to think there was something wrong with me for not wanting those things. But I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side. You are right, there is no one way to do things and all things will come in due time.
What a great read! At 30 something, I have visited more than 15 countries, traveled to more than 25 states, lived in two foreign countries, graduated from college yet I am single and childless and that’s all my family reminds me about. I just took the plunge to pay a mortgage and that has me scared shitless. Yet I am looking at it as another adventure on my journey.
SO thank you for this post, I appreciated it. Before reading this article I would scream “I hate my 30s!” Now after reading this awesome post I will whisper “I dislike the expectations of your 30s.” And enjoying my ROCKING life and all its adventures.
This will be a great day! 🙂
I just learned of your blog through Nomadness. This post is everything. Thank you.