Last night I thought I was going to die. Literally, as in “up in the middle of the night googling “Heart attack vs. Heartburn” and trying to diagnose myself on a spotty internet connection” going to die. I thought about calling my sister and telling her my goodbyes but before I did that, I browsed the web to see what was going on.

First, it felt like I had grown a blow torch in my chest. Being that I have never really experienced heartburn, I was terrified. I spent well over an hour shifting positions, downing Pepto to no avail, and the only thing that seemed to work was eventually time. I walked around my room for a bit and whatever was coming up to terrorize me in my sleep went back down.

I consider myself to have a pretty solid stomach. For example, I’ve had Indian food the first day off the Master Cleanse. Without blinking. So I was pretty surprised last night. But I have officially met my match. I looked up “mild” in the dictionary here to see if there’s some word I should be using when ordering food, but it doesn’t exist. I have emailed my family who hasn’t left the states yet begging for Tums, Rolaids, Mylanta, Holy Water and blessings from Baby Jesus so that I can keep eating without feeling like people are palancing on my chest in my sleep.

Because the food is just too good to stop. And the rent is too damn high for me to pay for this plane ticket and not eat for a week. And my play cousin Chiefy and his friends are coming to pick me up and play in the streets today! No time for bellyaching. Too much liming and palancing to be done. Wait, do they lime in Africa? And Palance? I’m mixing cultures. Please forgive me.

Wish me luck (and Rolaids). I wonder if a beer will help. Beer makes everything better. Off to the bar…

So today is day one in Accra and I am thoroughly confused as to what day of the week it is and what time it is. Like, what happened? As the plane traveled East we fast forwarded into the next day, and being that I don’t know how to sit still, I never stopped and slept once we landed. So I say all that to say – I feel like I’ve been up for 2 days straight. So I’ll keep this short.

First of all, getting here was the best blessing ever. Almost scary. For 2 days I watched ABC news talk about how LGA was shut down and nervously read horror stories on CNN.com about stranded passengers. Yet, when I was awaken by an automated flight cancellation call Tuesday morning, I was strangely calm. I called United and found out the airline had arranged for a “special flight” on a larger plane and it was leaving, on time, around the same time as my previous flight. After skiing up my street to the train (shout out to Mayor Bloomberg), and taking the longest, funkiest (shout out to all the dog owners who said “eff it” to the curb your dog rules in the snow), most packed M60 bus ever in life, I reached LGA and was surprised to see that most airlines had still cancelled the rest of their flights for the day. I also noticed that there was nobody in line at security and the runways were completely clear. It felt like the twilight zone. But my flight was still scheduled. On time. No drama. No tears. Not even turbulence. So this post would not be complete without a huge shout out to Him who was able to orchestrate that “special flight”

What do I love about Ghana the most so far? If you know me, you probably already know the answer. It’s the stuff that goes in my belly. It’s so good. Like, finger licking good. Like “I’d like to thank the academy” good. (Don’t you hate that yogurt commercial? Ain’t no yogurt in the world that good. But I digress…)

But seriously, the food at the hotel is amazing. The owners of the Coconut Grove Hotels where I am staying for the week are my new play cousins (my sister’s new in-laws), so I’ve been very well taken care of. Half the staff knew my name when I got here, and I keep trying to pay for things, only to find that they are complimentary. I have had a small family of chickens worth of kebabs since I’ve been here and even though “mild” doesn’t seem to be in the vocabulary here, I’m thoroughly enjoying everything that has been put in front of me to try.

In the few hours I’ve been here, I have crashed a fashion show/clothing line launch, watched Africans salsa dance like Dancing With the Stars at the hotel salsa night (throwing folks in the air and all), and went to a club that had 22 inch rims sitting on a bar – a bar completely comprised of Belvedere. Like, completely as in “would you like Belvedere or Belvedere?” I was so confused. Between that, the random concert by the girl singing on a box in the middle of the floor, and the wouldn’t-dare-be-openly-gay guy singing Keith Sweat wearing a ruffled shirt in a tribute to The Artist Formerly Known As, my first night in Ghana was been randomly awesome.

So, I think my laptop is on NY time b/c it says 8:41 PM Wednesday which really means its like 3:47 AM January 28, 2012 in Ghana so I should probably head to bed before this vacation is over.